


The Pronunciation of Milk

by Strugglintoast



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, linked universe au - Fandom
Genre: but it is based on one of my favorite videos, this is pure and utter crack, written at 2 am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 09:13:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19943716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strugglintoast/pseuds/Strugglintoast
Summary: There are different ways to pronounce milk. Legend really isn't having it.





	The Pronunciation of Milk

**Author's Note:**

> dialogue is based on this gem  
> [Malk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty62YzGryU4)

“Hey Warriors, you got anything to drink?”

“Yeah, in the ice box.”

“Oh, Legend, give me a glass of malk, please!”

“I’m sorry… a what now?” Searching within the ice box, Legend looks back at Wild, “There isn’t any malk but I can get you some milk.”

“That’s what he said.”

“Yeah man, it’s just some malk.”

“Okay… now you’re saying it wrong, like some sort of disease.”

Laughing, Warriors asked, “Well then, Legend, how do you say it?”

“I’m saying it like how everyone ought to say it: milk. M-i-l-k.”

“Exactly. Like 2%”

“Yeah! Lon Lon Malk.”

“No no no no, Wild… say milkshake.”

“Milkshake.”

“Okay, now say milk.”

“Malk.”

Silence. 

“Warriors… are- are you hearing this?”

“Yeah. The man wants a glass of mulk.”

“What?! Mulk?” Legend said in disbelief.

“Give him the mulk, Legend!”

Footsteps later, Volga pops his head out from the doorway. “Link, inside voices please,” came the gruff reply. “I’m trying not to deal with this.”

“Sorry, dad. It’s my foreign friends.” Realizing what just slipped out his mouth, Warriors tried to correct himself. “Wait! This-”

“Did you just call me dad?” A smirk was on Volga’s face.

Both Legend and Wild put their beef aside as each wore a smirk that rivaled the other.

“Indeed, he did.”

“He did, didn’t he.”

Giggles erupted from both Legend and Wild while Warriors became more embarrassed with each passing second.

“Well, just keep it down then… son.” Off walked Volga and left the boys alone in the kitchen.

With the footsteps gone quiet, so did the snickering. The smiles that adorned both Legend and Wild were soon wiped off and replaced with somber looks.

Raising his voice, Wild yelled, “Legend! GIVE ME A GLASS OF MALK.”

“Why are you yelling at me?”

“Just fricken give him a glass of mulk, man!”

“You guys aren’t even saying the same thing!”

“We’re all saying malk, Legend!”

“No, Wild! You’re saying malk and Warriors is saying mulk.”

Soon a whole chorus of the different pronunciations of milk were being yelled out by the three in the kitchen. The argument was even being carried outside where Time stopped himself from entering and turned back.

“Hylia… these idiots are back at it again. I’m not going to deal with this.”

\----

Back inside, Legend was done with this nonsense. “Shut up! SHUT. UP.” Pulling out a sword, Legend pointed it at himself.

At his gesture, Warriors and Wild also pulled out a sword and pointed them at Legend.

“Hey man… Don’t do this, Legend,” begged Wild.

“Yeah, Legend. Put the sword down,” came Warriors cool reply.

“You’re gonna stab me if I stab myself?! That doesn’t make any sense?!”

Both Warriors and Wild looked at each other and then towards their weapons. Each then brandished their own swords against their respective throats.

“PUT THE SWORD AWAY, LEGEND.” demanded Warriors.

“LEGEND, PLEASE. PUT IT DOWN! YOU’RE LIKE A BROTHER TO ME!” Spoke Wild, a bit too emotional for the record. 

And for the next hour, the argument continued.

\----

Walking along the path with bread in his arms, Twilight listened to the excited chatter of Wind. Quickly looking back for the others and relieved to see that they all held up well with their haul of groceries.

“Hey! Time!” Wind excitedly ran up to him. 

Time was sitting on a shaded place with a weed in his mouth. Upon hearing Wind’s excited chatter, he opened one eye and sent a smile towards the cheery boy. Picking himself up and dusting himself off, Time stretched and walked towards the group.

“I found a small cave to leave the groceries in. Little to no foot traffic has passed through here, so it will be safe.”

“Why don’t we just drop these off at Warriors place?” questioned Hyrule.

Giving a tired stare, Time just responded, “You wouldn’t want to deal with whatever those three are dealing with.”

Sky immediately went inside the cave to drop off the vegetables he was holding. Soon after, everyone else followed lead.

“I actually saw a nice pond we passed by earlier,” Four mentioned.

“We can bring these cold cases of malk to drink then,” added Twilight, “We can always go buy more before we return.”

"I'm sorry... What?"


End file.
